The silence of the room echoed throughout the small apartment. There were faint marks left behind of pictures that once hung on the wall and imprints pressed into the Berber carpet of where the furniture once stood. Relief and sadness filled my heart, while doubt continued to rear its ugly head in my mind. Questions of "what was I doing?" and "can I do this?" kept my nerves on edge, making it nearly impossible to sleep the past few days.
Two months ago my whole world had fallen a part and today I took an active role in taking it a part. I took down the pictures on the wall of a girl I barely recognized. She was happy. She was in love. She was free from the broken heart that consumed her now. The pictures held hope for her that one day she might be that gay bright girl filled with laughter and joy, but for now I wrapped her carefully with packing paper and bubble wrap placing her in between two comforters in a box labeled fragile.
It was amazing to see how much I had gathered through the four years of living in the small apartment. After 5 carloads to D.I. and 3 carloads to the local dump I finally wittled down my belongings to being able to fit in my 2004 Honda Accord with room to spare. There definitely is something cathartic about getting rid of a ton of junk, or maybe just getting rid of things that remind me of him.
12 hours later I was packed and beyond exhausted. The orginal plan was to head over to Nikki's house once I was finished but I didn't have the energy. I collasped on the front room floor, used a balled up hoodie for a pillow, a blanket Nikki had forgotten over here 3 years ago and went right to sleep.
I awoke the next morning stiff as a board with a horrid crick in my neck and rays of sunlight blinding me. Irritated, I unwillingly got up and double checked my cleaning job, put the remaining few nicknacks lying about in a box and tossed it in the back seat of my car. I put the apartment keys on the kitchen counter and turned to leave.
They say when removing a band-aid to just yank it off as quickly as possible, but I've never been that brave. So, naturally I can't just leave. Half way to the door I stop and turn to take one last look. I realize I'm not leaving much; dusty walls, small windows, low ceilings and elephant neighbors above. Getting out of this hole is the best thing, but as I look around I'm reminded that is the kitchen where he taught me how to make his famous ziti and the living room where all of our friends would gather together for jam sessions on Sunday and sing songs from that months Pottery Barn catalogue.
"What am I doing?" I whispered to myself.
And then I blinked and I was in reality. I took one deep long breath and as I exhaled I concentrated on releasing all the pain and memories I could of that place; leaving it behind for someone else to have. Closing my eyes, I turned and walked directly to my car never looking back. At least not right then.
10 comments:
"I wrapped her carefully with packing paper and bubble wrap placing her in between two comforters in a box labeled fragile. "
I LOVE this. Perfect imagery and choice of words.
-and this-
"jam sessions on Sunday and sing songs from that months Pottery Barn catalogue. "
What a novel idea. Perhaps we should try something like that in real life.
:)
LOL...they say you should write what you know...:)
Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it. Please give me more, both constructive and positive, like the one you just posted.
My goal truly is to write a full length novel but I definitely need some insight and input, I struggle in a lot of areas so whatever ideas you have let me know. I'm open to everything and if you have questions ask me because that gives me food for thought as well and allows me to see how people outside my brain read the scenes.
Hope you're feeling better! Love ya!
YES! I stopped reading to come and comment on that right away! You do really well with imagery! LOVED how this showed rather then told us how she was feeling. I know we all know what gay means but really young adults in our world today...I'd maybe consider not using it just because of the audience but this one feels more adult, is it? Anyway I'd still reconsider gay only because of our world today. I have to get back to read more
good! I'd also consider salvation army over DI just more universal or you could say local thrift shop or something like that. I just have knit picky little things like small details the story over all is there and your imagery again is fantastic which I really think makes a great book. So who is your audience? I read these all together with the critiques and you had mentioned YA but she seems more adult to me did you change your mind? I mean obviously she is an adult she lives on her own. I think it sounds and reads more like an adult novel. I like it :)
Okay I just realized I was saying yes in reference to Crys comment on the box labeled fragile. That is were I stopped to make the first comment.
P.S. I think you should fire ang and hire me as you editor I guess she could be your agent wait she hates calling and talking to people she doesn't know how could she push your book? I think you should hire me I am available :)
what mj doesn't know is i already told you my suggesstions- which are pretty close to her own- and that i talked to you on the PHONE....lol. you can be the agent maleina, the position you are seeking is already taken:)
If you want a best seller award wining novel my phone line is open ;)
You and me Nila we could rock the literary world.
might i add that i don't have two kids to take care of so all my time will be dedicated to you nila!
Aww...you guys crack me up. Ok so you feel it's more adult well, let me relay what I'm going for, some background. See the start of the story is going to be her moving away from where all her memories lie, aka her first love, so at the beginning she is around the age of 23-25 somewhere around there and then as she travels to her new destination she recalls the events in her life that brought her to this point in time...make sense? maybe. anyways, love the feedback M-perhaps i will hire you since you can articulate what you think...lol unlike ang, who i have to decipher...lol, j/k. anyways, i'll take you both, shoot. and you're right about the universal thing, anyways, if this ever does get published i don't necessairly want "phillip" to know...i was also thinking of entitling the story "maybe mauri" because it's basically going to go through the ups and downs of young love in college, so i think in the beginning i need to leave it open on who ultimate love is for the main girl...i'm not sure that made any sense, but let me know what you think M and awesome feedback...if you have some tips on how to do dialogue, that would be great...:) love you guys!
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