Practice makes Perfect...

My heart was like an innocent prisoner pounding on the bars to be released, bum-bum, bum-bum, bum-bum, harder and harder it pounded with every step. The stairs beneath my feet were barely in focus, while the banister kept escaping my desperate grasp. Three more steps. Two more. One more. Door. I was almost there, three more feet to freedom. One. Two. Three. Breath.

With the latching of the door behind me I lost all control. Tears streamed freely while my breath was struggling to break free from my throat. Walk. Walk. Run. The pavement was a blur of shades of gray, similar to my view of the world at that point. All I desired was to escape the memory that enveloped me. It was like a swarm of African bees repeatedly stinging my heart. If only it would bring death but with each unstable step I realized how alive I was. The pain was nearly unbearable and the tears seemed infinite. Was this what Romeo and Juliet died for? Perhaps they were the lucky ones to die in love than to live without it.

Aimlessly I wandered the streets recognizing no one and seeing nothing beyond the veil of tears that shielded me from the world. Eventually, I made it home, I'm not sure how but someone somewhere loves me, even if it's not him. I hadn't realized how late it had grown. The sky was a deep sapphire with sparkling diamonds embedded throughout its vast space. I"m not sure how long I stood there admiring the beauty of the heavens and wishing I could be up there free from the gravity that weights on me here.

"Mauri! You sleeping outside tonight or just practicing your human statue skills?!" Nikki yelled sarcastically at me. Nikki's humor always entertained me because we were equals when it came to sarcasm. I didn't want her to know my world had completely ended a few hours prior, so I came back with the smartest remark I could think of, "Yeah, Nik, can you fetch me my pillow please?!"

"Hilarious, you are Mauri." I hear the door latch behind me and see a growing shadow coming upon me. I'm somewhat surprised because Nikki hates walking outside barefoot, so the only conclusion I can come to is that I'm not "playing" my emotions off as well I would like. Great, the shadow grows larger as she comes closer. What does my face look like? Have I been crying this whole time? Quickly I feel my face. Damn it, I have been crying this entire time. The shadow is gone and there is a figure standing directly in front of me.

"Mauri, you okay?"

I slowly look up at her and the only thing that comes out is more tears. She quickly embraces me and asks what happen. What happen? Everything and nothing; at least nothing I didn't expect. I knew how it would end, from the very beginning. That magical night we slowed danced under the stars in the parking lot to "Open Arms" I realized we had no chance. Today only solidified what my heart knew five years ago. So, what happen? What was supposed to all along.